Page Twenty Four

Charles’s face burned as he trekked forward with his ignorant brother trailing behind. Ignorant indeed! Time travel? This was an epic fantasy, not a sci-fi! And it was old school magic –magical creatures, curses, quests, adventure –not to mention they had a dragon! One that couldn’t fly or breathe fire, but a dragon nonetheless! Charles looked up and silently thanked the gods for his brother’s intelligence –or rather, lack of.

You see, the fact of the matter was, Charles had never gone anywhere at all. Meaning, “this here blondie” was, indeed, Charles himself.

When Charles woke up that bright and early cursed dawn and saw his reflection in his sword, his first reaction was that he was still asleep. His second was that this was a bad dream.

His third was oh, fuck.

Now, he couldn’t very well face his brother like this – or anyone for that matter -especially not after that little stunt he pulled the day before, with pretending to be a girl and all, trying to trick him into thinking that they were all really cursed. Stupid mermaids and their fugly hats. Charles didn’t care about that one bit.

What he did care about was getting back to the way he was, but while he looked like this, there was no way he was admitting he was Charles Winnchester. Charles Winnchester did not dress up like a girl. So he had to improvise, come up with an alter persona that had taken over Charles for the time being. Luckily his dumb little brother had dropped the name Chester –who better but his blond sister? She was the very essence of a ditzy blond. Or at least he thought so. And for now he would just have to put up with being “Chester,” the dear, time-traveling sister.

“Char-Chester, so I had this great idea,” Winn jogged a bit to catch up.

“Really? Well it better not be horizontal stripes, because those are so two seasons ago,” Charles replied offhandedly. He had to admit, he had quite a flair for this type of impersonation.

“No see, if Charles would here, he’d lop off the head of the toothpaste tyrant no problem, but the problem still wouldn’t be solved, right?”

“Well, I wouldn’t kn-”

“Because what we really need to do is reform their health care system and bring toothpaste to the worl- kingdom before tomorrow!” Winn paused. “That is what we have to do, isn’t it?”

“Yes, yes that’s exactly what we need to do,” Charmaine sighed.

“So my plan is this –we need to gain the trust of the people, win over their hearts! Then we’ll start a coup, a revolt, a revolution!” Winn posed emphatically.

“And how exa-”

“And this is exactly where you come in, dear sister. We shall win them over with ou- your good looks and influence the whole kingdom!”

Chester-Charles blushed smugly and flipped her hair before getting into a dreamy pose and smiling up at nonexisting cameras.

“'I had onions at lunch. I had garlic dressing at dinner. But he'll never know, because I stay kissing sweet, the new Dazzledent Pearly White Good Night Mermaid & Co. Toothpaste way!'”

“Yes! That’s it! That’s perfect!” Winn gestured dramatically, backing up to give his sister room. “Like Marilyn Monroe in The Seven Year Itch! And you’re the only one who can play the part! With this, there’ll be no one that could say no to us!”

“What’s this about toothpaste, huh?” a low voice grumbled.

Winn gulped, having just bumped into the owner of said grumbly voice. He slowly turned around and saw none other but King Georgey himself.

“Oh, heh, hi, hello …sir,” Winn smiled nervously. “We’re um…volunteer PR agents, working to improve the images of today’s world’s leaders! How would you like a run-through?”

Page Twenty Three

"We can be entering in the castle through that hole," TIBADOR pointed. There was a tunnel at the side, covered by tall grasses.

"Oh, great idea!"

"Aww man, now I'll have to replace these boots… oh wait!" Chester rummaged through her shopping bags. "Yay, I knew these tunnel boots would be useful for something!"

The three adventurers entered the tunnel - or at least they tried to. TIBADOR insisted that he go in first so he could scout the area, but he got stuck halfway in.

"Uh sirs.. I think I am being stuck. I am not being able to squeeze my buttocks in."
"Must be those chimichangas. *sigh* Come on, Chester, let's try pushing him in."

Chester and Winn pushed as hard as they could, and with a loud *pop*, TIBADOR's entirety tumbled inside, along with the prince and princess. The inside of the tunnel was long and steep, and after what seemed like ages, TIBADOR landed with a loud thud.

"Sirs, where are you? I cannot see where I am."

He was left without an answer. The sirs must have landed somewhere else, he thought. TIBADOR scratched his head and plopped on the ground.

A slight rumbling could be heard in the distance. Something had begun to move.


"Winn grab my hand! Now!" Chester yelled.

The prince and princess had tumbled on a different path, and were not yet nearing the ground.

"I can't reach you! My arms are too short!"

"Then here, grab my staff! You have to grab it, now!"
They heard a loud rumbling nearby.

"Hurry!" Chester offered her stick. She caught sight of a large hole on the wall. Oh no, they`re nearing us. Chester was getting worried. "Touch it, all you need to do is to touch it and I'll get us out of here!"

Winn stretched his fingers, and as soon as he touched the stick, he saw that they were quickly nearing what looked like a large pit of spiky death.

"Don't let go!" Chester pressed something on her wrist.

"Oof." The two landed on something soft and squishy. It was TIBADOR's head.

"Chester… how did you do that?" Winn asked confusedly.

"Hey Winn, I'm not the sister you know," said Chester with a serious look on her face.

"Well duh, I noticed that from a few pages back. But that doesn't answer my question."

"Have you heard… of time travelling?"

"In novels, yeah."

"Well what if I told you I came from two years from a week ago?"

"What, no way. You? A time traveller?" Winn scoffed. He was actually getting really interested at the subject.

"I am - well, was. My device broke. It was only designed for a single use, and even then it was only designed for one person."

"Is that why we didn’t really go back in time when you used it?"

"Pretty much."

"So are you planning on explaining to me how exactly time travelling works? I kind of want the rest of this page dedicated to a discussion of time travel."

"Uhh… I don't really understand that well myself. I just nabbed this device from Cha- *ahem* a vault.

"Why?"

"Hmm, so then my real sister is still at boarding school at Area 11?"

"You dork, I am your real sister."

"I mean from this time period."

"Oh."

"Wait, so the curse didn't really happen? Did that mermaid of ugly gyp me or something, then? Where's Charles? BAWWW"

"She didn’t say the swapping couldn't transcend time and space, did she?"

"Well now that you mention it, she was pretty vague about it."

"Then there you go."

"So where's Charles?" Winn cried.

"You'll know… in time," said his sister solemnly. She then pulled out her stick and mumbled some foreign words. A ball of flame appeared, hovering at its tip.

"You can do magic? What the heck kind of school have you been going to for the next two years?"

“Didn’t I tell you I was going to a magical school far, far away? Now let’s hurry, you’ve got a kingdom to save. Two years from now you're going to be a he-*ahem*”

"A what?"

"You'll know… in time. Now we have to get out of this place fast, before it catches up. Hmm, let's head up those stairs.. it should lead us a few floors beneath where we want to be, if my memory serves me right."


Winn quickly followed. Wow, my sister from two years from a week ago is interesting and cool, he thought.

Page Twenty Two

"Cheers," Sir Reginald said, doing a little bow. "'n take this as a token o' my appreciation..."

He jumped, clipped his shiny shoes together, and the three found themselves whirling through time, space, and the stars to the entrance of the king's palace.

“I can go no ‘urther. ‘bye, ‘bye, m’friends, ‘n always keep me in yer hearts!”

Winn tearfully bade his gold coins goodbye as the little furry creature skipped merrily into the distance. Great. If he wanted his brother back, he was going to have to get rid of the curse himself. Cautiously, Winn and co. turned their attention to the great structure in front of them.

"Hmmm… there's something weird about these doors," Chester remarked, running her hands across the cool marble.

"This almost seeming to be of little pieces made,” said TIBADOR, who had been greatly neglected in the past pages.

"Yes." Winn took a step closer. "Almost as if the pieces were little bits of—“

"IT'S TEETH," Chester shrieked hysterically, "AND I TOUCHED IT. Oh god ohgod ohgodohgod--”

“Well, at least King Georgey’s very resourceful with his resources.” Winn tried to conjure a smile as he suppressed memories of those toothless, gingivitis-infected gums he had seen earlier. “How many gold coins do we have left?"

“One,” said Chester, wiping her hands on TIBADOR’s tail.

"Sldfjlsdkfjdlsdfksdlkfjf." Winn looked at the sad little nugget in the money pouch. Dammit, Chester. He sighed. "Okay, how are we going to get inside to meet the king?"

Chester flipped her hair, wrinkling her face gracefully. "What do you mean?"

TIBADOR reared his great head and nodded at the sign on the door.




"We must be finding another way."

Page Twenty One

in which a lot that has been said will be said again.


"What?"

"How c'n I be o' ser-vice t'ye?"

Winn blinked. If Charles were here he would demand the plot be sped forward so he could lop off some heads. But his brother was no longer and-

"Ohh! Could you like, maybe find us a crepe stand? I'm so craving something sweet and girlish to hold and pretend to eat while I stand around looking cute!"

-replaced with this blondie here. Winn sighed.

"Well... I don't think it's really something you could help with," he pet the little guy on the head. "But we'd still like to take you with us if you don't mind."

Sir Reginald of the Face-Palm Squires scoffed and waved off the offending hand.

"Ah' ye belittlin' meh? Y'sayin' this pro'lem here ye got's t' big fer a li'l guy like me, eh?"

"No, uh, that's not what I was-"

"Ye lookin' down on us Face-Palm Squires, ah ye?"

"Yes, well -no, I mean-"

"Y'dun think we amoun' t'nothi' doth ye? Huh?"

Winn scratched his head and looked to Chester for help. She shrugged.

"Geez Winny, stop being such a jerk."

He looked back down at the little guy, chest puffed out, ready for a fight. Winn sighed again and squated so he could pat the little guy some more.

"Well um, maybe you could, well, listen to my problem, and then, well-"

"Well what, men, y'lookin' fer a well or somethins? Git on with i'," Sir Reginald shook a fist at him.

He stopped mid pat. This little guy here was awfully impatient.

"Well-"

"Ah-hem."

"Alright, alright! My brother's missing."

Collective gasps.

"Aye deary me," the squire shook his head sympathetically.

"Winn! You had a brother? When did this happen?!"

Winn gave Charlene the most flabbergasted and disgruntled look he could muster up (ie: this: ) before turning back to the little fluffy squire and patting him some more.

"Well, he's not really gone per say... I mean, this here blondie- er, this girl you see right here beside me. She's technically my sister at the moment, but she used to be my brother."

Sir Reginald of the Face-Palm Squires gaped at him for a moment before shaking his head and throwing his arms up.

"Eh, lis'en, kid. Now, I know s'not me place t' be throwin' my opi-nyuns around he'e, but uh, s'not much I can do 'bout that, really. S'yer broth- sis'er's choice, y'know, an' ye gotta respec-"

Winn facepalmed again.

"Heyhey, no needa do that no more -y' lis'ening to me? Yer sister now, uh-"

"No, that's not what I meant. It was a curse-"

"A curse huh, well now tha's a diff'ren' story entirely."

"Yes, a curse! You see, I angered this mermaid of ug- ugly mermaid, I mean, when I stole her hat? And she cursed me and my family and somehow, maybe since Charles was adopted, his side effects didn't really start until after he learned about the curse."

"Adopted, eh? In-ter-es-ting."

"Winny! Mom and Dad adopted another boy? Why didn't you tell me?!"

"Right, right. And for some odd reason he's acting like a bootlegged version of my real sister, who he isn't, because she's off in boarding school."

"Yer real sister, eh?"

"Mm-hmm," Winn nodded. "But the real Chester's smarter than this, and the narcissism is quite Charles-like. I'd like to change him back, but see, in order to do that we have to change the health-care system of this country here, and without Charles to run around and lop heads off bodies, we're in quite a dilemma, you see?"

The fluffy squire blinked quite a few times before sighing a seemingly amused sigh -which confused Winn because he hadn't found the face-palm inducing dilemma to be amusing at all -and shook his head at Winn again. Being the slow one he was, Winn was starting, just now, to feel like he was being patronized.

"Now, th'way I see i', this here pro'lem's somethin' y'gotta solve fer ye'self!"

"But there's no way-"

"Now, frum what ye've tole meh, this brother o' yers isn' good fer much but loppin' off heads."

"I feel like I should feel a bit offended on his behalf," Chester tiled her head and poked her bottom lip girlishly. "Must be my girlish motherly instincts."

"An' to turn yer dear brother back in th' first place y'gotta change some byu-ree-kra-ticks don'cha?"

"Well-"

"So th'way I see it, this is a challenged made fer ye'self!" Sir Reginald gestured dramatically. "Fate has come knockin' like dead-Beethoven an' y'gotta go forth an' adventure ye own adventure! "s a test of character growth!"

"Adventure my wha- growth?"

"Yeah! Winny! Y'gotta adventure your own adventure!"

"Guys, that's not a real ver-"

And with that the fluffy squire of Face-Palm turned with a snappy farewell gesture and set off into the horizon in all his fluffiness.

"I miss him already," Winn found himself saying. That fluffiness was so reminiscent of their long-dead Lindy the-

"Oh righty, almos' fergot," Sir Reginald jogged back to the adventurers. "That'll be two gold coins."

"You're gonna charge me for that?!"

Page Twenty

"Y'knoo I'd very much rather not b'put inna box, thankee much."

The small creature sidestepped the poke with ease of practice and hopped nimbly up onto a nearby crate. He was a curious sight to behold, all small and cute and fluffy, and dressed to the nines in a snappy waistcoat and feathered cap.

But this was fantasy land, after all! Where plotlines crawl by like molasses,

and out trot magical creatures one after another.

"Ahem."

He cleared his throat politely. Even perched atop the crate, the cute little bugger was a good two heads shorter than even Winn. The three companions drew in closer to hear what he had to say.

"Ye've summoned th'awesome me, human," the small creature restated, making an elegant leg with a

flourish of his finely feathered cap.

"And just how did I manage that?"

"Why, with the face-to-palm motion, o'course! Y' shoore were going at it, too. Likes I said,

I've rarely seen humans done it so often so quick."

The small creature paused, striking a regal pose with one paw at his hip and the other raised with a dramatic quiver.

"My good sirs, I am Sir Reginald of th' Face-Palm Squires.

Where'er a palm meets face, we be there to help!

"So how c'n I be o'service to ye?"

Page Nineteen

"Hey Winn, hurry up!"

Winn was brought to his senses by his sister's loud whining.

Huh? Where did Charles go? He was there just a second ago. Was I just seeing things?

"Winnnnnn!! What are you doing, standing stupidly over there," whined Chester. "As your lovely, beautiful, sweet, sister I order you to come here right now and carry my bags -- they're heavy and I can feel my arms falling off."



What, how did Chester buy so much junk so fast?

"Ugh." It appears that his loathing of his sister's constant complaining and his yearning for his brother had produced an unholy abomination that played tricks with his mind. At least that’s what Winn concluded.

"Well, TRIX ARE FOR KIDS, so there!"

"The hell are you talking about? Stop mumbling nonsense and get over here. I have too much to carry D<"

"Okay, I'm coming, I'm coming," cried Winn. As he ran to catch up to his grumbling sister, something chequered and tablecloth-y caught the corner of his eye. Thinking his unholy thoughts playing tricks on him again, Winn paid it no attention.

"Ouch, my head." He obviously paid enough attention as to hit his head on an out-of-place pole. In the middle of the street.

When he finally caught up, he found his sister sitting on the ground, in tears.

"*sniffs* Look what you’ve donee," sobbed Chester. She pulled a plaid handkerchief from within her blouse and daintily patted her cheeks with it.

"What happened? Did someone push you? Did you get mugged?" asked Winn concernedly. She was his sister after all, and he still loved her deep within his heart underneath all his hatred.

"Oh..," his sister sniffled. "The bags scraped some nail polish off my awesome nails." Winn facepalmed.

"Also, I can't find my nail polish."

"Nailpolish? You mean your sword? It's right there," he pointed towards Chester's waist.

"No, I mean my nail polish, you know, the one that like, totally makes my nails super duper shiney."

Chester facepalmed again.

"By the way, where did TIBADOR run off to?," asked Winn, trying to change the topic to something less idiotic.

"Oh he's right over there, by the chimichanga stand," Chester pointed.

Winn looked over his shoulder and saw a stand not unlike an ice cream van used by a bear who loved children. The stand was fairly crowded, with a line that stretched for almost a kilometre, and in front of it all was a familiar figure. It was TIBADOR, happily munching on some chimichangas.

"I am loving this tasty foods of the heavens!" TIBADOR exclaimed. "They are so gooey and full of happiness!"

Chester facepalmed a third time. "How can you afford all those chimichangas anyway? You must have eaten at least a hundred by now," he asked the dragon.

"Oh I know not but I think I have stepping on something squishy and a bucket of gold coins and crunchy cereal-y things went POP!"

Chester facepalmed. Again. His forehead and his nose were starting to get sore.

"Y'knoo I've rarely seen humans dunnit four times in quick succession. Well either way, ye've summoned th'awesome me, human."

Huh? Where is that voice coming from? Is it my unholy thoughts playing tricks on my mind again? Winn picked up Chester's stick and rapped his head with it to make sure he was still conscious.

"Down here, boy-o."

Winn stared at his foot and what he saw sparked his love for cute things. Chester seemed to have noticed it as well, and was squealing in delight. Okay, it looks like I'm not dreaming this.

"It's so cuuuuute. Let's take it home and put it in a box!!," Chester squealed as she poked with her finger.

Page Eighteen

"EEEEEEEEeeeee!!!!!1111," Chester shrieked. "Winn! Look, Winn!"

"What," Winn mumbled, having recently been thrown into a merchant's cart by his high-strung bro- sister?

He looked up and straightened his hat. Chester was holding up a sickeningly adorable plaid vest.

"Oh my gosh, Winn, look," she jumped up and down in her ridiculous boots. "This will go just perfectly with that skirt I saw on our way in."

"Oh wow really that's great I had no idea yay for you," Winn gave her a blank stare and threw up his arms in false excitement.

Wait.

Plaid?

"I know riiiight?!"

Winn jogged a bit to catch up with the quick-shopping Chester. Or Charles? He was getting confused.

"Hey Chester," he tried.

"Hmm?"

Chester it was. Or was it because he had called him that. This was his brother turned girl, wasn't it?

"Remember that time Mom gave you that sweater-vest for Christmas?"

"What?"

"That sweater vest."

But Charles wasn't blonde.

"What sweater vest? Does it look like I'd wear a sweater vest?"

Charles didn't wear sweater vests either, but it had been plaid. And this girl was blonde.

"Hey, Charles?"

"Who?"

Winn stopped.

Now, either his brother's sex changed had altered his perspective to the point where he couldn't remember his own name, or someone had just pulled a very odd bait and switch a few pages back.

There was a conspiracy about, Detective Winn concluded.

The matter had just gotten exponentially twisted, Winn deducted as he went through the variables present to him. First, Charles -that is, the Charles he knew -was gone. Gone where and how was still unknown.

Second, this girl in front of him was not Charles. Charles hated plaid.

Wait -scratch that! Charles hated lot's of things this girl here liked, and narcissism aside, this blondie here was nothing like his brother!

"Hurry up slowpoke, there's a clearance around the corner and I need a new purse!"

Detective Winn concluded he was a bad detective.

He continued to follow Chester around obediently and scratched his hat. This girl seemed to know who he was, but that didn't seem to help either. It seemed to him that "Chester" here could either be one, Charles gone bonkers, or two, a deadly impersonator who'd slit his throat the second he let his guard down.

Or three, Chester herself.

No, no, that wasn't possible. Chester was off in boarding school halfway across the world. Chester was-

Wait.

Charles hated Chester. Even if he had turned into a girl version of himself, wouldn't a more fitting name been Charlene, Charmaine, or even Sherry? Come to think of it, Chester wasn't even a girl's name. Wow, their parents were awfully creative!

"Hey, Charles," Winn tried again.

"Stop calling me that, Winn," Chester rolled her eyes, tossing another dress back onto the rack.

"Right. Sorry," Winn shook his head. "Chester?"

"Yes, what?"

"Like...Chester Winnchester Chester?"

"Yes, Winn, don't you remember your own sister?"

"But...if you're Chester...." Winn's eyes widened to the point where he was afraid they could catch baseballs.

"Of course I'm Chester," she stepped up to Winn and pulled his hat down over his eyes. "Who else would I b-"

The two turned around as they heard a scream preceded by a loud crash preceded by an angry battle-cry. A caravan had tumbled over.

"What was that?" Chester let go of Winn and covered her mouth in a girlish gasp.

"I don't-"

"Ugh," a disgruntled figure threw off a checkered tablecloth from his head.

"Ch-!"

"Making trouble as always, I see" Chester scowled, crossing her arms.

"Charles!" Winn flailed his arms as Chester held him back. "What're you doing here?"

"What? You dumbfucks were being slow so I decided to come lop off the head of the toothpaste-king or whoever," Charles struggled to get a sweater vest off his arm. "Just that I can't find him."

He looked up.

"And what's she doing here?"

Page Seventeen

And so the trio continued on their way across the magical land. Under normal circumstances, it would have been quite a pleasant walk since the sun was shining and the flowers were blooming. However--

"Are we there yet?" Chester complained. "The sun is destroying my complexion."

"You can borrow my hat," Winn offered, like the good little brother he was. "It protects you from UV rays."

"Ew, no. Those stripes are a fashion faux pas."

Winn lowered his head and shed a tiny tear inside his heart. Chester was so mean! Even if it had once belonged to an ugly mermaid, he had become quite fond of the hat. He was beginning to tire of his new sister, who complained a lot and kept flipping her hair.

"So like *flip* I was thinking that *flip*, I should start my own *flip* boutique! Oh, won't you help *flip* me, Winn? I know amber would look *flip* absolutely darling on you!"

Winn sighed. "Okay."

"All this walking is really bad for my dainty feet," Chester continued. "Anyway, isn't TIBADOR a dragon? He has wings, can't we just like ride on his back and then we'll be there in no time?"

"Uh," TIBADOR replied.

"Halt!"

A figure clad in iron strode up to them menacingly. Or, well, it was hard to be menacing when you were cuddly and walked on four legs.


"Who doth dare to tread upon this very ground?"

Chester frowned. "Are you a sheep or a goat?"

"Hi!" Winn smiled cheerfully, a little relieved that he finally got to converse with someone who didn't talk about floral patterns or have a speech impediment. "We're looking for a kingdom around here. Have you seen one?"

"Ah, yes." The little sheepgoat sneered."Ye haaaast reached the maaaajestic kingdom of King Georgey. However, no entry shall be permitted lest ye... take this handy tourist guide with you! Haaaave fun!"

The guard trotted over to a pile of glittery brochures and kicked one at Chester's head. He snapped his hooves and a gigantic golden gate materialized and creaked open before them.

They gasped.

Beyond the doors sprawled a great city littered with rickety sky-high buildings. Though it was by no means a pristine place, it was certainly very lively. People flooded the markets and shops in droves to haggle over merchandise and the three adventurers could see by their toothless grins and hacking coughs that the mermaid was right.

"Look!" Winn pointed excitedly. Above the steam and smoke in the center of the city stood a richly decorated marble palace with rose windows, elegant towers, columns, and other fancy things.

"Oh. My god." Chester gasped as she covered her mouth with her hand pinky-up because it was a lady-like thing to do.

TIBADOR nodded, "The palace is indeed having much grandeur."

"No, silly! I was talking about the salon over there!" Chester squealed. "I'm in dire need of a manicure after that nasty walk and I've always wanted a perm. And ooooh, look at all those shops! Come on!"

Before Winn knew what was happening, Chester had grabbed his hands and they stumbled into the kingdom.

Page Sixteen

in which the princes- prince and princess- speak with an ugly mermaid in a fish tank

"Cmon CharlesChester," whined Winn.

He started up the hill, watching as CharlesChester flounced after him while pausing every so often to trip over his boots.

TIBADOR was waiting when they finally crested the hill, wringing his claws nervously and trembling in fear. The two princes- that is, the young prince and princess- were soon met with the cause of the dragon's apparent distress.

Atop the hill, their eyes were privy to a hideous sight, more hideous than even all the evils of math combined.

A water tank on wheels, pulled by an unfortunate looking canine comically longer than he was tall, with floppy ears and an adorable face, was parked at the foot of TIBADOR's tail. And inside the tank was a wretched, scaly monster with eyes like dead fish and a lumpy body shriveled by brine.

Char- Chester took a step back and pinched her nose daintily.

"Eww, groty!"

"I think he's kind of cute." Winn had bent over the canine cart-puller, fussing with his floppy ears.

"Yeah, no- I mean, that...thing! Get it out of here," whined Chester, pushing the port-a-tank back with a well-placed kick. The doggy deliveryboy yipped piteously, turning puppy-dog eyes up at the trio.

"Please, dear sirs, he is to be saying," TIBADOR translated slowly, "It has being a long journey from the lands of water, and if you would just listen to what the mermaid of ugly would be saying..."

"Yeah, well, whatever. Just make it quick."

A vile hiss and slither emanated from the portable tank, sounding ominous and very very sinister.

TIBADOR paused, intending to scratch his big head in thought but only managing to reach his scaly neck with his short arms.

"..I am to be feared to say I am not being able to relay these words to the young princes- I mean, young prince and princess," rumbled TIBADOR. "There is perhaps to be mentioning something about a king and teeth paste and- oh! The hat being of Prince Winn."

"Oh, bother bother, this is going to take forever!" a peeved voice cried out from the tank's watery depths. "Listen, lunkheads, here's the deal-"

"You speak our language!" exclaimed Winn.

The mermaid splish-splashed her tail dismissively. "I did a few maymesters of study abroad. It's usually a lot more impressive if I speak in the old tongue, though..unless the translator is an absolute nitwit."

"Garbor gafol!" roared TIBADOR indignantly.

The ugly mermaid continued without acknowledging the outcry. "You there, with the hat, that's my hat. And I liked it very much, but you went and stole it from me, and now ye have been cursed!"

She paused to cackle evilly.

"Cursed, I say! And now you must do my bidding or forever become my sslavessss."

"Do these pants make my butt look big?"

"As you can see, your dear brother has been reduced to the pitiful likes of an asinine, self-absorbed teenage girl! And you-!"

She cast a critical eye in Winn's direction.

"Well, I suppose you were girly enough to begin with."

"Anyway, my point is that if you ever want your dear brother back again, you must do something for me!"

"Because I don't think my butt really is this big. Maybe it's the light. Oh my god, my thighs are huge."

"You may have heard tell of a kingdom near here, ruled by a nasty nasty king...who refuses to brush his teeth after meals!"

"Eww, no one wants to kiss a guy with bad breath."

"Yes, well. This puts us mermaids in quite a quandary. You see, for years now, we've been the sole suppliers of Pearly White Good Night Mermaid & Co. Toothpaste- Now with more tartar control!"

She paused to let loose a crackly cackle, leaning out over the edge of the tank and spilling some water out the side.

A splash soon sounded, followed by a low whine.

"Get it? Pearly, cause like, we live under the sea. And there are pearls. And pearls are white, and people like white teeth, and-"

"Ohh, pearls would go great with this outfit! Winny, let's go shopping. I need some pearls, and maybe some new boots."

"In any case! Since he hasn't been brushing his teeth, and because there's no healthcare in his kingdom or even any hospitals- let alone dental plans!- toothpaste sales have been at an all-time low, and now the mermaid kingdom is falling into a recession, and it's really quite terrible to be in a recession- I can barely afford to have all the nice breakfast foods I'd like; I haven't had lox on a bagel in ages!"

The ugly mermaid sighed an ugly sigh, retreating back into the watery depths of the tank.

"Now hold on a bit, I need to get this last part right for my fancy exit. And get your dinosaur a language patch or something!"

The ugly mermaid cleared her throat with a harsh grating sound and promptly let loose with an otherwordly screeching reminiscent of rubber tires on hot asphalt, or something equally anachronistically horrendous.

After a moment of intense thought, TIBADOR nodded his lumbering head and addressed the two- the young prince and princess.

"The mermaid of ugly has saying...All you must be doing is to make journey to the king who brushes not his teeth, make usurping of his throne, and to give universal healthcare unto the kingdom that is his," he finished triumphantly.

"-Before breakfast in two suns, or you shall remain cursed forever after! Et cetera, et cetera." Came the garbled amendment from within the tank.

"Now, mush! I want to be back in time for waffles."

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Welcome to Winnchester - info for page-ers

Pages are 800x1100-1200 pixels, if you're pro and uploading a picture of a page

Let us know which pages you're doing so we don't have two people doing the same page
-Claim a page by posting the next page, blank or otherwise, with the title as the page number.
-You get three days to fill that post with the page content, if it's not up by then we skip you and someone else will do that page. But please don't post incomplete pages cuz that's just confusing :c
-If you need an author invite either leave a comment here or go harass orange on forums/msn

Draw me pretty pictures k


Q__Q CHARLES ISN'T DEAD